I have so many blogs already, I really don't need another one.
But this one is going to be my super honest about everything blog.
I'm 31, married, have a 7 month old son, 7 cats, am in college, and weigh 270.
I'm depressed and anxious a lot. I think I have ADHD, but my doctor seems to be treating me as though I were bipolar.
I've been taking baby amounts of Lithium (300mg), but that was just upped to 600mg, Klonopin, Ativan, and I'm restarting Welbutrin.
I'm a mess, but few people know it.
But it seems like forever since I've really cared about how I look. Maybe it's because my clothes don't fit.
Right now I just want to starve. I want to be able to not eat. I want to feel the emptiness in my belly. I want to feel like I'm cleaning myself out.
I am envious in way of those with anorexia, because they have control. I don't have control. I eat and eat and eat. Obesity kills, too. But when you're fat, the world hates you. When you're thin, the world loves you.
I feel so disgusting and tired and I hate myself. I'm in debt because my husband and I have a gambling problem. It just seems at this point that gambling and winning is the only thing that will save us.
Yep, I'm a mess.
