Where is my consistency?

I have made no progress.

Sometimes I feel like if it's not doing perfectly, it's not worth doing at all. That's just an excuse and I'm tired of it.

As soon as I finish this, I'm going to go get on that treadmill.

I realized that I would be more successful if I journaled/blogged, but I don't do that because I want my writing to be perfect. I write as though I am writing for an audience, not for myself. Enough of that.

I am going to start being open, truthful, and honest. I am going to be consistent.

I am going to hear my own excuses as though they were spoken by someone else. And then I am going to bust through them.

I don't care if it's random and if it doesn't make sense. I don't care if it's offensive or if it makes me look bad.

I'm doing it for me.

Too many goals...

It's hard when you have too many goals that you are trying to accomplish...

Right now I'm looking for a good, high paying job. High paying = more than $400/week.

Right now I'm trying to eat healthy. Would be easier if I had money to buy food, but whatever.

Right now I'm trying to exercise and work out. Would be easier if I weren't so stressed about not having that job.

But, I should be taking advantage of right now, because I have the time to actually do things, but I feel so guilty. I feel like I have this joblessness always hanging over my head. And then when I do find something, I'm going to wish I had all of this time back!

Other Motivations

I hear people saying that if you lose a lot of weight, you WILL have tons of excess skin and look awful. I hear people saying that you CAN'T really lose weight.

I have to prove these people wrong.

I have to prove I can do it.

I have something to prove.

motivation

I have been feeling motivated lately. I really, truly feel - make that I KNOW, that I am going to lose weight and be successful this time - forever. How do I know this?

Because I have tossed aside all of those doubts that the process really works. Exercise. Eat healthy. Cardio. Weights. Flexibility. Good nutrition. It WORKS. Maybe the reason I haven't been successful is that I haven't ever really believed that it works. But....I know it will.

I'm not trying to lose weight so I don't look fat or ugly. I'm trying to get into shape - really look good and be healthy and I'm not hating who I am. I am accepting who I am right now - at 256.5 pounds.

I'm not trying to get back at ex-boyfriends or kids who made fun of me when I was young. I don't think that if I get to a certain weight I'll suddenly be happy. I am motivated because I have something to work towards. I have a clear goal in mind, and I am not going to stop when I get there. I can always better myself...always be healthier.

Having a motivated, positive attitude can make something that seemed unattainable become reality.

i hate the internet

At least, I hate it when it comes to weight loss advice. I've been searching lately just for information regarding weight loss - not because I don't know how to do it, but because I need motivation. And once again I am shocked at all of the dangerous, misleading, unhealthy information that is out there.

• Don't do more than 30 minutes cardio a day, or else you will burn muscle. What kind of idiot actually believes something like that? The body doesn't use muscle as a fuel source unless you are seriously undernourished, aren't getting enough protein, etc. If you don't use your muscle, you will lose it, but not from doing cardio!
• You have to exercise on an empty stomach to lose fat. Again, crap written by someone who doesn't know what they are talking about. You lose fat by burning more calories than you take in. If you work out on an empty stomach, you have no fuel to go on! When you work out isn't the issue!
• Don't eat anything but fruit before lunch. Yeah, we don't need protein or fat at all. Again, who really thinks this is a good idea? It will raise insulin levels and blood sugar, which promotes the depositing of belly fat. You'll be hungry all morning and will not maintain lean muscle mass.
• Don't have dairy more than three times a week. Low fat dairy products are very good for you! Especially if you are trying to maintain you muscle mass! If you want to be a flabby skinny fat person, then don't have dairy. Besides who needs calcium and strong bones?

Those are just the ones that stood out to me today. They might be helpful, but they aren't HEALTHY! And the people who lose weight like that are much more likely to gain it back.

Of course, not everything I do is healthy, either. So I'll probably be posting about things that aren't really healthy. But I'm not giving advice about those things, and I'm not saying anyone else should do them. I just get sick of people trying to act like they know all this biological scientific information about how to lose weight, when it's a bunch of crap!

my main motivation...

Ever since I lost my baby, my mind has been consumed with two things: losing weight and having babies.

So, I made a deal with my husband that when I get down to 215 we can start trying again. That's 25 pounds less than I was with my last baby. And I am determined that by then, I will have been working out long enough that I will be motivated and able to keep it up when I am pregnant.

I've never had any problems getting pregnant. In fact, the only month in my life that I had unprotected sex - I got pregnant. The second time, we were trying to use spermicides instead of condoms, and I got pregnant that way, too.

So hopefully it will be easy again when I am ready.

the food thing

I know that the reason I stopped losing weight is that I'm not controlling my food intake. I am eating too much of the wrong foods. The problem is, we don't have money to buy most foods - period. We're living off of what we get from WIC and from what we have in the cabinets.

So, we have cereal, cheese, milk, and eggs, but very little fruits and vegetables. I have some frozen and cans, but not much. So my selection sucks.

But I started today and told myself that I can't let this be an excuse to lose weight. I hear it from my weight loss clients everyday.

So...no more overeating and eating when I am not hungry. I need to eat as soon as I realize I'm hungry, and stop when I feel a bit full. So simple, yet something I don't do.

What's funny is I'm taking both ritalin and wellbutrin - which most people lose weight and appetite on - and absolutely no weight decrease - I've actually gained three pounds. :-(

I'm going to try to keep my food log posted on here, too.

For accountability.